I broke my heart

I’m still dwelling on the idea that I have failed. It’s a hard pill to swallow. I first admitted it to someone and then 2 more. But I didn’t tell them in order to hear an opinion. I know what people say when others are in a dump “ you didn’t fail, you tried, etc.” Instead I said it out loud so I can hear it and feel the heaviness of it’s meaning. And it’s super fucking heavy. I’ve been heart broken by a loved one, by a complete stranger, by a book, a song. But never have I been the reason of my own heart break.

I don’t know how to shake this feeling off. It’s as if I’m grieving alone (A bit dramatic, I know).

They say you learn a lot from failure and business wise I would say that I even welcome the lesson. Harsh, but tough love huh? What I wasn’t expecting was the amount of people  rooting for me to fail. I suppose what they say is true “They want to see you do good but never better than them.” Starting a business is tough, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. But the feeling of creating my website, the designs, learning new skills, staying up till late working on my dream gave me such a high . I loved every second of it. I also wanted everyone to love it as much as I did. But, that didn’t happen and I have to close my shop. I  didn’t do as well as I expected it. And like 50-cent said ” If it don’t make money then it don’t make sense.”

My first official business venture and it failed. I failed. My heart aches thinking about it, writing about it makes me want to cry. But life happens.

I’m not discouraged, just heart broken.